Should Women Watch Fifty Shades Of Grey? Sexual Abuse And Humiliation Go Mainstream

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Fifty Shades Of GreyThe most popular movie in America is about bondage, sexual domination and violent sex.  Fifty Shades of Grey, the best-selling novel about a sexually abusive relationship between an extremely wealthy businessman and a young female college student, has sold more than 100 million copies worldwide since it was first released.  This past weekend, it pulled in an astounding 81.7 million dollars at the box office.  Clearly, it has struck a chord with the American people.  But should women actually be watching Fifty Shades of Grey?  It has been said that if you put garbage in, you get garbage out.  The novel has been described as “pornography for women”, but the movie is supposedly toned down.  But even with the editing, the film still contains 20 minutes of sex scenes.  And of course we aren’t just talking about normal sex scenes.  Fifty Shades of Grey goes to great lengths to explore the twisted world of sexual abuse, bondage and humiliation.  It makes violent sex seem “mainstream”, and it is deeply affecting our culture.  So what does it say about our society that it is so wildly popular?

 

Just a couple of years ago, the novel that the film is based upon was considered to be “extreme” in this country.  But these days seemingly everyone is talking about it.  The following is an excerpt from a recent article in the New York Post

Usually when we talk about cultural shifts we are referring to changes that happen over 30 or 40 or 50 years, but this is a change that has happened virtually overnight, while we were all supposedly paying attention.

So, let’s just take a step back and consider what we’ve lost in shedding just one more taboo. The movie is rated R, so many teenagers (even those under 17) will probably get in. As child psychiatrist Miriam Grossman wrote on her blog recently, “Fifty Shades of Grey” teaches your daughter that pain and humiliation are erotic, and your son that girls want a guy who controls, intimidates and threatens.

In short, the film portrays emotional and physical abuse as sexually arousing to both parties.”

Something that is particularly disturbing to me is that the lead character that is doing the abusing in Fifty Shades of Grey is named “Christian”.  It is almost as if the author was purposely trying to mock those that embrace traditional values.

If you have never encountered Fifty Shades of Grey before, the following is a brief summary of the plot

Early on in the first book, Ana discovers that Christian has a “dark secret”: He’s obsessed with BDSM—a condensed abbreviation for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. This is the central tension of the books: Ana loves Christian, but she doesn’t want to be his submissive; Christian loves Ana, but he’s turned on by violent sex.

What people see, they tend to emulate.  And this film comes out at a time when sexual violence against women in this country is at epidemic levels.  Just consider the following numbers from the Atlantic

This is a troubling fantasy in American culture, where one in five women will be raped within their lifetime, according to the CDC; where nearly 40 percent of those rapes will happen to women aged 18 to 24; and where troubling evidence of casual attitudes toward rape—such as in 2010 when a number of Ivy League-educated men thought it was okay to chant “no means yes, yes means anal” on their campus—is not uncommon. As images of Ana being beaten by Christian become the new normal for what’s considered erotic, they raise questions about what it means to “consent” to sex.

Like I said above, when you put garbage in, you get garbage out.

Perhaps you do not believe that a movie could have a significant impact on our behavior.

Perhaps you believe that most people can clearly separate fiction and reality.

Well, at least one study suggests otherwise.  According to Time Magazine, one study discovered that Fifty Shades of Grey was “introducing more women to porn”…

E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey is introducing more women to porn — at least according to a narrow study conducted at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada.

Researcher Diana Parry interviewed 28 women in their 20s to 50s about their pornography habits. She discovered that women in the group increased their consumption of sexually explicit content after reading the book.

“So many of the women [we interviewed] were hopping in for the first time to pornography or sexually explicit material that was written by women for women,” Parry told Salon in an interview.

And science tells us that those that view porn are more likely to commit sexual violence.

The following comes from CNS News

We already know that porn is linked to sexual abuse, and there is a tendency for men to act out what they see on the screens. It is for this reason that many women have voiced alarm over increasingly violent porn.

“The biggest sex educator of young men today is pornography,” says Wheelock College professor and American Studies chair Dr. Gail Dines. Dines, a self-described feminist, noted that porn is “increasingly violent and dehumanizing, and it changes the way men view women.”

Like drugs and alcohol, pornography eventually requires a bigger hit – and in porn films, that is increasingly becoming a literal occurrence. According to the director of a pornography documentary, “of the top 250 bestselling porn movies, a high percentage depict violence against women.”

When people are entertained by something, they tend to want more of it.

And once you have seen something, there is no way to “unsee” it.

One of the primary ways that we learn things is by watching.  And when women (and men) watch Fifty Shades of Grey, they are learning all about sexual abuse, bondage, humiliation and violent sex.

So should people be watching this movie?

Please share what you think by posting a comment below…

  • DesertPaine

    Art presses boundaries. Pseudo-art goes for shock value, masquerading as art working at those edges. This movie, like any other claiming the mantle of ‘art’, doesn’t know value unless it accurately maps a boundary. Boundaries are Jungian – not often pretty, almost always not well lit.

    The article perspective sees movies not as art, but rather, are simple entertainment that affirms what we think we already believe. Don’t see American Sniper if you disapprove of war, or the military, or national policy, or whatever. See it if you believe in those things uncritically. But seeing that movie by either group of moviegoers will not create snipers. Likewise, seeing 50 will not create a BDSM-obsessed society.

    Rather, there is uncalculated value in reaching beyond comfort zones to consider unfamiliar perspectives. Everything we ever know is the result of examining ideas once thought wrong, offensive, or preposterous.

    • Mike

      Spoken like a true progressive. You are full of it. What does art have to do with right and wrong, good or evil. We don’t live in a vacuum. What we do, right or wrong good and evil affects others (whether it is “art” or the actual act).

      • DesertPaine

        Your right, your wrong, your good, your evil? THAT is the color of a true progressive!

  • Hetero Veteran

    For like “50-shades-of-shit.”

    If anyone hasn’t noticed, we are living in the dark ages of media entertainment.

    • Hetero Veteran

      ^^correction :”More like…” not “For like…”

    • DesertPaine

      And even darker ages of media as contemplative art.

    • Guest

      Yeah, grampa, they said the same about Elvis. And the same about May West. And the same about Betty Boop! They even said the same about Shakespeare! They probably said the same about Ancient cave paintings too.

      “If anyone hasn’t noticed…” derp!

      • Capt Obvious

        OK Genius..here’s a little test:

        1. Would you watch Elvis with your mother?
        2. Would you watch May West with your mother?
        3. Would you watch Betty Boop with your mother?
        4. Would you watch Shakespeare with your mother?
        5. Would you watch ancient cave paintings with your mother?

        6. Now, would you watch Fifty Shades Of Grey with your mother?

        But since you grouped them all together, I guess you would watch Deep Throat with your mom as well, huh?

        • Guest

          Hell, NO, I would not have watched any of those with my mother… when they were released. Many a year later, they are no big whoop. But still a wee bit too smutty for anyone to watch with their mother.

          Your final attempt at a smart thing to say still fell flat… as I would not have watched ANY of those smutty, smutty things with anyone (when they were new and perverse). So, when you “guess [I] would watch Deep Throat with [my] mother”, you have effectively said the OPPOSITE of what *I* said, which was that NO ONE would have watched those with their mother. Pay better attention next time you try to respond!

  • RageHard84

    It’s a shame Hollyweird has sunk this low.

    • Robert Pollard

      You have no idea…

      • RageHard84

        You mean there’s worse stuff than 50 shades of gray?

  • Sir Diesel

    a few seconds ago

    Bdsm is rooted in CONSENT, and negotiated terms of play. As such its not abuse at all. It is infact sensation play. Pleasure and pain are often one and the same. By mixing the two together the intimacy of the time spent between a Dom and sub is MUCH greater than in a “vanilla” relationship. This article claims that women are learning this from the book and corresponding movie. To refute that here are statistics from a study completed in 99 (more than 12 years before this book was written) about women’s sexual thoughts and fantasies. 80% of women want to be tied up or restrained in sexual activity, 70% of women fantasize about multiple men at once, 75% of women want their lovers to dominate them, 65% of womem fantasize anout being raped. The premis of this article is that this is destructive to women, despite the fact that 85% of those who have read the books are WOMEN. Its quite clear that this book is LIBERATING women, and empowering them to ask for the things that men have been telling them they should not want!

    Have you ever spanked your lover, or secured her hands with a tie? Over 90% of respondants queried admited to partaking in at least one activity in the general scope of BDSM. It seems to me the author should try it before he knocks it. But according to the statistical data he most certainly already has! However we (I say we as I am a Dominant in the BDSM scene and have been for a decade) will not allow his puritanical mindset interfere with what I do in the sanctity of MY bedrom, or dungeon!

    Your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is OK! And so is mine!

    • Deborah Reece

      Finally a man with some sense who understands the true issues.

  • MissaJim

    America is done, stick a fork in it. And then women will complain about rape, etc. Dumb broads.

    • A Dodgy Bloke

      Jim, I think Western Civilization is done, Sky News in the UK went on about this movie. I don’t get it. You may want to get a bigger fork.

    • Carrie

      “And women will complain about rape, et.. Dumb broads.”
      Maybe America is done because of uselessness like your mentality. When you belong to a group who is on the receiving end of life-altering violence consisting of someone a foot taller than yourself, weighing 50-100 pounds more than yourself, with more than double your muscle mass holding you against your will and criminally inserting something into your orifice, then you can see how “dumb” it feels to complain about rape happening to you.

      Until then, YOU are the dumb B-word. And it’s not “broad”.

      • Jeb

        More men are raped in America than women due to the large prison population. It has been this way for a long time. In fact, at one time, feminists even made a big stink that being homosexually sodomized during rape could not possibly be more damaging than being heterosexually raped vaginally. And note – ALL of prison rape is “real rape.” (Violently forced upon the victim). It’s not “regret rape,” or “I had too much to drink rape” or “I need an excuse to tell my husband why I got screwed by that guy rape.”

        Also, notice how society snickers at the idea of a man who commits a non-violent crime “justly” getting violently raped for “dropping the soap” while in jail? (Embezzled $5,000 from your boss? Don’t drop the soap! Snickers!)

        Here’s an exercise – the next time you hear of a woman committing a henious crime, like murder of child molestation, wish to her that you want to see her get repeatedly raped in prison with a bull-dyke and a broom handle… and see if it goes over better than a lead balloon.

        • StrikingAtTheRoot

          Jeb, the first “rape” is circumcision.

          • Guest

            Knocking down the definition of an atrocity to include [admittedly terrible] non-atrocities makes you bottom of the barrel.

            If you truly dislike [male] children being circumcised, then join feminism in the fight against it. So called “Men’s Rights” activists do nothing but gripe and repeat themselves online, and do nothing in the real world to help. So again, IF in fact you want to join a movement that helps stop baby boys from being hurt against their will, join feminism. THEY actually put action into their activism.

        • Guest

          This site’s article is about one topic but you change it to your selfish topic, hmm. Oh, you poor useless idiot. Well, at least some would call you a useful idiot from all of your well-worn Misogynists’ Rights Movement talking points.

          I am certainly aware that more men rape men than men who rape women. Men also rape children, why did you forget to mention them? And men also rape animals. But the only victims MRAs are allowed to crow and preen about are the male victims. Instead of trying to negate women, children, animals, coma patients, and corpses’ rapes by thrusting men’s all-important rapes into the conversation, why not focus on stopping men from doing the raping in the first place?? Wouldn’t it be so much nicer if all online discussions could be about coffee and tic tac toe than which people men rape the most??

          This article is about one thing, and it wasn’t about how many men get raped by their fellow men, but awesome job at your MRM useful idiocy for taking away from the article to keep society’s narrow focus straight onto men still; can’t let anyone else be seen as a victim, doncha know. I don’t know how you held back by not mentioning divorce or suicide or not getting laid (or maybe you did include them, you got so delusional and “ranty” that any sane person had to stop reading you).

          What matters is that feminists have been the ones defending MALE rape victims for decades longer than men have finally caught up to it. Who makes fun of prison rape? Men. Who causes prison rape? Men. Who hi-jacks all discussions about women into what about da menzz? Men. Put your egos aside and help MEN for once in your life, even if it means you have to become an F-word (feminist), since they are the only ones who seem willing to help men.

          • Deborah Reece

            Rape without consent and consensual S/M aren’t even close to the same thing.

      • jaxon64

        I believe Missa was actually speaking AGAINST violence upon women and appeared bewildered about the apparent hypocrisy —— somehow the salient, underlying point was missed because of your need to be offended.

        • Guest

          Nope, you ‘believe’ incorrectly. Do another read and you might better comprehend Missa’s need to be the Dumb B.

    • Deborah Reece

      SM is based on the consent of both partners. Rape is based on a man tearing off a woman’s clothes, holding her down, and sticking it in against her will. As a former date rape victim myself there is a CLEAR difference.

    • Deborah Reece

      Just because some women have actual sexual desires of their own that don’t match yours doesn’t make them dumb broads. BDSM isn’t about pain, it is psychological. And there is nothing in my Bible that says two married people can’t indulge in whatever they want as long as it remains just between them.

  • kathym2

    People need to read all three books to the end before they comment.

    • Brandon

      What a stupid comment

      • Jodie Lynn Gaeta

        Why?

    • Jodie Lynn Gaeta

      I will gladly oblige. No comment.

    • Guest

      Why is that? Do you condone BDSM?

    • VigilanteCaregiver

      I saw the green band trailer – that’s more than enough to know what it’s about.

    • jaxon64

      why would I want to put 3 books worth of degeneracy into my brain when a 2 minute trailer shows me all I need to know about this. Kathy, you have issues and I pray for the safety and health of any daughters ( and sons) that you may have if you teach them that this is normal, healthy human sexuality.

  • Tim

    Wow. I had heard of the book and now the film, but I did not know what Fifty Shades of Grey was about. Thank you for writing this article, Michael.

  • A Dodgy Bloke

    When this book first came out I gave a shrug. I’ve never read the book or saw the movie and have no desire to see or read either. This reminds me of when Twilight came out, Vampire romance fiction for women had been around a long time. Twilight was the first that came out specifically aimed at girls. I’m sure books like 50SOG have been around a while, this one created some buzz and the media did the rest. I think this just shows the increasingly dysfunctional nature of our civilization. Liberal women talk about the Rape Culture on collage campus, then embrace 50SOG. Go Figure.

  • Mike

    I have to wonder how many of the “women” online praising this fifty shades deal are actually women. I’m in IT and I routinely see everyone’s computers in all the offices you can think of, and about 70% of the guys have routine female personas. This means they masquerade as women and girls online basically creating havoc for fun.

    I’d say it’s wisest to assume that 80-90% of supposed women online are actually men, ESPECIALLY if these supposed women are giving thumbs up to sexual stuff. That’s your first big clue it’s a dude.

    • Tom2013

      Interesting take. However, mitigating this is the fact that many of the articles written “in support of 50 Shades” are from women editors or contributors with their names and faces. They are all very careful not to specify what conduct they specifically want (a big clue that the authors are real women) but they will say they do enjoy …fill in. (And its not candles and flowers.) I do not believe the women authors are “fake” so I have to presume that most (if not all) of the women posting are in fact females. These are womens’ websites – womens health, journals, etc. It is also beyond doubt that the book is a runaway bestseller and the vast vast majority (close to 100%) of the readers are women. So again, between these two unassailable facts (the article authors are female and the vast majority of readers are female) we have to admit there is a substantial likelihood that most posters “in support” are in fact women.

      • Mike

        Umm, a big “nope” to your very hopeful schoolboy fantasy that women are in fact the lovely perverts we all wish they were. I have seen far, far, FAR more men using women’s faces, women’s words, women’s names, and women’s profiles for the sole purpose of perpetuating the fantasy that women like everything that we like or that they’re just as much of pervs as we are. It’s not realistic, nor even intelligent, to claim that.

        • Tom2013

          So you deny that there are tens of thousands of female fans of the rough “love” circuit?
          You deny that the book is a runaway best seller among women?
          You deny that women post talkbacks in support of some dominance?
          Really – websites with pictures of women editors are all false?
          Sounds like you are quite naive.

          • Mike

            No, you sound quite naïve if you believe what you’re told to believe just because you’re told to believe it.

            You make one good, gullible little ant. The government wouldn’t have as much power as it does without naïve, gullible little things like you.

            I’ve made too much money manipulating “reality” over the years to get gullible people to think they’re making smart decisions when they’re just being obedient to the marketing they’ve been spoon-fed.

          • Tom2013

            You sound quite defensive and upset. Does it make you feel like a “big man” calling me an ant. Did I hurt your feelings? Like I said, if being a softee in bed works for you with your wife or GF then fine. It just doesnt work for most women as they do want “some” dominance shown (no I dont mean whips and chains but a slap on the rear or a holding her hair works magic for a vast majority). But you cannot accept reality so be it.

        • Tom2013

          Let me add that these are womens magazines that are well known and are on your news stand in the supermarket. The internet versions with the women editors are telling it like it is. These are not “fake” article posts. They are real women who state they like some of this type of behavior (not all) and not all the time. But its a fact you cannot deny that females do relish male physicality to some degree. Also, EVERY survey of American women establishes that they want some aggression in the bedroom – “some” dominance a hair hold, tie her hands with a tie, a slight slap on the rear, hands on neck. Is EVERY survey wrong – do you claim they are polling males its all a trick? Wives and GFs want men who are not softee in the bedroom. Indeed, I would guess that a major reason married women stray is that their husbands are too soft in the sack.

          • Mike

            I’d be super-scared to be a female near you and your belief that “EVERY” survey proves women want to be roughed up by men in bed. There are way too many men praying like heck this is true, meanwhile when men read surveys saying that women hate [whatever stuff we love], then the survey must be fake. Go to any Domme/sub site, you’ll see the heirarchy of wants is as follows: male slaves/subs, followed by male doms, followed by female Dommes, followed by female subs. LITERALLY THE LOWEST POPULATION IN BD SM IS FEMALE SUBS SEEKING ROUGH STUFF. But males can’t live if we can’t dream, can we?!

          • Tom2013

            Listen up Mikey boy, I never visited any BDSM sites since Im not into it. I have gone to womens sites such as Ladies Home Journal, Womens Health, etc as articles in Bloomberg and Business Insider were linked (ie the surveys). Stay with whatever works for you if you your wife or GF wants you to be a softee in bed and it works for you (and her) so be it.

    • Sir Diesel

      I have scened with over 30 women personally, and know hundreds personally. Though there are plenty of fake profiles on line, its clear if you go to a local group meet (in real life) that this is a MASSIVE cross section of the population. Which seems to grow exponentially by the day.

      • jaxon64

        And will continue to grow exponentially with the media…books/movies/mags/blogs….pushing this on the public as normal if not even as desirable or preferable.
        They ( the media) don’t call it “programming” for nothing.

        • Sir Diesel

          Except that it was growing exponentially in 2005 when I first found it. At that time all the programming spun it as debauchery. There are cave paintings and stone carvings 20000 years old depicting bondage and sado-masochism. It seems it was popular long before there was media “pushing” it. In fact its at least 4 or 5 times as old as the bible. And puritanical christians have been trying to stamp it out for 1700 years. And yet we are still here, and gaining strength. Your theory has been proven Inaccurate.

  • Seen2013

    I apologize ahead of time if someone else mentioned this.
    Both actual BDSM and Bondage Communities disavow 50 Shades of Grey as abuse and not representative of either ‘lifestyle’.
    In general:
    *BDSM and Bondage are said to be about power and humiliation when this is actually porn’s portrayal of it. It’s actually trust. While one may or is physically bound, the other is psychologically bound by simultaneously pleasuring the ‘submissive’ while testing the submissive boundaries.
    *Both consensually agree, and the safe-word is utilized revokes consent. It is no different than the classic no, stop, and etc traditionally.
    *Dominant aka Dom and Submissive aka Sub are interchangeable but a matter of preference.

    Look into it, both stated that 50 Shades of Grey is abuse and not representative of the lifestyle, and there has been even points made on the basic differences portrayed.

  • naked swimmer

    there’s actually a lot more eunuchs than people realize, possibly millions (no, not me)

  • Tom2013

    Agreed…But they dont want to stop.

  • Tatiana Covington

    Changes happen very fast these days, because we communicate at the speed of light. It’s that simple.

  • paulobrien

    I think your article offends people because it seeks to take the moral high ground and dictate actions. Why not just offer your views on how the film reinforces negative stereotypes and leave it at that.

  • sandbagger

    Our local news channel had a segment on this film and noted that calls to the fire department for “rescues” has risen dramatically since the release. Apparently, people re-enacting scenes are being caught in situations in which they can’t extricate themselves and require assistance. How embarrassing for them, and definitely not something the fire department should be spending taxpayer money being called out for.

    So, yeah. These people are blown about by the winds of cultural morality. They have no anchor.

  • Richard

    Totally agree. Circumcision is a crime against humanity. It is disgusting. Parents should be prosecuted for child abuse. It is an outrage.

  • Richard

    Just wanted you to know that a very long and thoughtful post of mine here was censored out in its entirety – just because Michael doesn’t agree with its content. For no other possible reason. This comment may disappear too…

  • Superior to guest

    LOL! You are out of your psychotic mind. “Womyn” is code word for “I can’t stand how females ignore good men like me, so I better start looking in other countries for someone desperate enough to take me”.

    See your psychiatrist, and see her SOON. Or maybe you should get a male doctor. You are filled with too much exuberant misogyny to ever tolerate opening your ears to an actual female.

  • Guest

    Geezus, you are grasping at hysterical straws there. I live in a country where few men are circumcised, and they are absolutely still as visually perverted and beholden to Satan as circumcised men are. Men are slaves, plain and simple. Slaves to their second brain.

    Their second brain makes them do anything, say anything, PAY anything to get near a female, and even when they cannot achieve a woman of their own, their slave brain still forces men to fantasize about women.

    To claim circumcision has ANYTHING REMOTELY to do with anything other than a physical violation makes you king of ignorance.

  • Guest

    Did you mean “absurd”? Obsured??

    And most females involved in public munches are either Dommes or PAID to be there by the hosts. I have been the host to many, and I have had to pay/bribe 90% of the female ‘subs’ to attend. The Dommes come to pick up clients.
    Not to mention that Trans and crossdressers comprise MOST female attendees that aren’t paid to be there. This is truly just NOT single women’s scene.

  • Guest

    Zero dollars, actually. Did you have a point?

    • VigilanteCaregiver

      Um, no. Most Hollywood films receive tax breaks and/or public funding. Look it up.

      • Guest

        OK, I looked it up, and there is ZERO evidence to back up your claim.

        This was financed 100% by the film’s backers, and used zero dollars from tax payers. Get that absurd notion the heck out of your head. Hollywood films receive no such breaks nor funding!

  • Deborah Reece

    Yeah and most women including me are disgusted by most American men. Men are just threatened by Fifty Shades because the character is a billionaire and they find that very castrating.

    • Carrie

      I’m not going to agree with your first comment (I think just the loudmouthed sacks of male poo who comment online are lonely and not remotely indicative of real, actual, decent men in the real world).

      But your second comment is 100000% accurate. Men look at the guy in this movie and see all of the things they are not: powerful, wealthy, handsome, young, in control, and living every man’s dream existence.

      I believe that women who like this character do so because he is so messed up in the head and Lawdy knows us women loves to “fix” us our menfolk. Yes, the girl is being horribly victimized by a victimizer, but she’s doing so to ultimately “help” him get over his damaged self. (Yep, women’s worst trait remains to be helping people.)

      • Deborah Reece

        I guess I don’t see Christian being as abusive as everyone else does because she keeps coming back to him. Apparently she likes the SM to some extent. I would see him as more abusive if he kidnapped and raped her…don’t understand how people see this as rape when she is a willing participant in the process. However, I am quite interested in SM and would practice it if I was married…maybe that’s why it doesn’t upset me like it does apparently a lot of people

      • Deborah Reece

        They actually seems to be much more hate coming from men about this movie than women. I’m sure all men aren’t bad…I just get fed up with all the male dominated and male centric films and although the books suck, I’m glad to see something presented from a female point of view for a change. At least the director was a woman. I thought it was much better than the book…I couldn’t get through the books they were so badly written.

        • Carrie

          Again, you’re 100% spot on about movies being nearly all male-dominated/from a male point of view… hey… maybe THAT’S why men are ticked off! A movie came out and not only does it NOT cater to THEIR tastes, it actually has the ***nerve*** to cater to women! How DARE a movie, book, or TV show do that! Boooooo!

          I won’t be doing the books or movie(s), as I think the genders are reversed. LOL, Can you imagine if a big-budget movie came out with a Domme doing a guy? I know a few thousand guys whose dream would come true but they’d never go to a public theater to watch it! Let alone find a woman willing to domme them. Poor FetLife and CollarMe saps just have to keep hoping that they’ll find the one-in-a-million woman of their dreams.

          • Deborah Reece

            And isn’t it interesting how men keep throwing the women bitching about RAPE but they like this crap argument…I wrote one guy that rape is when you stick it in WITHOUT permission and SM is WITH permission…it shouldn’t be that hard to understand the difference…idiots…I was date raped in college so I think I know the difference! Most SM relationships have contracts anyway and safe words.

          • Carrie

            So true, so true. That is the problem with pro-assault-minded guys — they see rough stuff (or even s/m) between consenting partners and their tiny brains can’t see the diff between that and ‘liking’ r a. /pe. They don’t see women as even having the agency to want something on her
            own, like only the man has the “right” to choose when or where s-x is correct and acceptable.

            I say even nice, sweet, gentle s-x with a stranger who forced his way in through the bedroom window is r. a /pe and horrifically wrong and far different from even rough, consensual stuff
            between married partners.

            I’m very sorry about your date r a /pe. I wish I could say you were the only one, but sadly you know you are far from alone in that group. Despite [some] men claiming date r a /pe is just “girl changed her mind/now regrets
            it”, there is even marital r a /pe… which some politicians claim is
            impossible because, you know, once a marriage “contract” is in effect women aren’t allowed to say “no” anymore.

  • Deborah Reece

    You are a f*cking psycho. I’m sure you can’t find a date either.

  • Carrie

    Do you post this random spam on every board, or just ones that have absolutely, positively NOTHING to do with the topic you’re obsessively trying to cram down everyone’s throats?

    I’ve seen you post and re-post this spam of yours under quite a few websites and articles. Instead, try including recipes or money-saving tips if you ever want to become useful to anyone.

  • Deborah Reece

    maybe women need a kink because there are too many men out there who don’t practice BDMS who are total idiots and don’t know how to get a woman off……and true SM is controlled and doesn’t hurt the woman. I bet you guys who criticize would love being tied up and spanked by a woman.

  • Deborah Reece

    Hey Carrie I don’t get this post….I thought you were okay with the idea of BDSM if done consensually. I really liked the film…

    • Carrie

      I didn’t see it myself, nor has my teen (I hope???) We know the lifestyle and are acquainted with a good number of people who know it and live it as well, however I can only go by what I have *heard* of the movie. I’ve heard that people are visibly shaken after leaving, having believed it was going to be a “romance” but then saw that the girl’s boundaries were not respected (in fact were violated numerous times), that the man displays many signs of a mentally unbalanced stalker (which the naive virgin girl mistakes for love), and so on. This is not bdsm, this is a story of a predator and a naive victim.

      Even people who live a full-fledged fetish lifestyle have railed against this film (and the books) wanting to distance themselves from how very “wrong” the author got it. Fifty Shades does cast a very negative, but false shadow over the lifestyle. I am 101% OK with the lifestyle in reality, but the movie is going to draw in many dark aficionados with predatory intentions, and subs/slaves who once upon a time who had thought it was safe and sane will find out by these new predators that they may not be safe after all.

      • Deborah Reece

        You should see the film and not rely on word of mouth. I didn’t think it was that bad a what you are saying people told you. BDSM world is saying it’s bad because Christian is a little mentally unstable and at times tricks Ana into BDSM scenes in the book from the parts I read — but she is constantly going back and forth from liking SM to not liking it so I think that is a problem with the material. It seems Christian just takes it further at times then she is willing to go so that is probably why BDSM’ers don’t like it…she doesn’t always give her consent for everything they do. But on the other hand he is initiating her into it so she doesn’t understand everything he’s doing either. The book has issues, that’s for sure…but I though the film was at least well directed and well acted but it’s definitely not for someone under 18 if you ask me.

      • Deborah Reece

        Drama is about conflict…the push and pull between Christian and Ana over SM is just a plot device to create a story…in real life two people in SM would be much more consistent or it could become about abuse…but this is a story and in drama there has to be some kind of conflict so SM is the conflict. I just look at stories as stories and not some kind of endorsement on to how to live your life…that’s where I differ with a lot of Christians who think drama and stories have to be “clean” (according to them) and PG (or G) rated. I believe people have enough sense to know the difference, although some probably don’t. I believe in art you have to show the good, the bad, and the ugly, if not drama is BORING….and there are a lot of people in this country who freak about ANYTHING sexual…I can’t help but wonder if it’s because so many people have been sexually abused as kids, frankly I find some of the attitudes weird. An SM story about two WOMEN came out recently called The BURGUNDY DUKE and there was NO controversy about it…it’s just because it’s about a man controlling a woman and people get upset about that…saying it’s rape..but IMO the film doesn’t portray their relationship as rape at all. There are SM couples where the man does control every aspect of the woman’s life…I just see Christian as wanting that kind of relationship. I can see how girls might be traumatized if they go in expecting a touchy feely romance but if they see it thinking that then they haven’t done due diligence about the film. It’s really their fault and not the movie’s.

  • Deborah Reece

    ha…love your post and so true! If the guys could find a woman to dominate them then they wouldn’t be bitching like this

  • Tom2013

    Well said I think if men knew that most (not all) but like almost all women will willingly consent to “kinky” things (again depending on the level) that would obviate the need or of any force. Most guys dont understand that you can simply take out a nice tie and tell your wife or GF in bed that you would like to tie her hands (not hard or hurting just tied) and pretty much most women will consent as long as she is into you – which I presume is yes if she is in bed with the male. The problem is the men dont get that women are into these things but women wait for the guy to introduce it. Men dont understand that they have to ask the female and not force it upon her like she is being raped/abused. If she is not into it they need to let it go and maybe try and ask another time. Ditto spanking a bit or holding her neck (NOT choking that is to me nuts I mean a mere light hold). My point is consent is key and you the male should just introduce and ask.

    • Deborah Reece

      Personally I am not married but I would like to be married to someone who is interested in BDSM. The key is to talk about these things before you actually get involved, then there is no guesswork. That’s my view on it. And I think most women wouldn’t mind doing at least a few things…women are afraid to ask. I am shocked at all the vehement reactions from men against this movie…they always throw up well it’s because hes a billionaire he thinks he can do this…I really think that has nothing to do with it.

      • Tom2013

        Yes women are less vocal about these things and it is the male’s responsibility to lead in this department. I agree that most women will try these things and many will enjoy it (again, different strokes for different folks I do not mean all women will enjoy a spanking many will not). But 50 Shades has tapped into a huge unmet need and the reactions you are receiving simply corroborate that males are not “getting it.” Women do want to be dominated but not forced. Women will enjoy the feel of a hand on a neck at the right moment but not the feel of being choked – if she is into it.
        As to the second point, you do not need to be rich BUT women will consent if she thinks you are a winner male. If she is not into her hubby – ie he is a “lesser valued male” in her opinion – she may have an issue of wanting to be dominated by him.

        • Deborah Reece

          That is probably true about women wanting a “winner male”. Personally I would rather be by myself than be with someone I’m not really into, but a lot of women feel they need ANY man just to have self-worth. Younger women probably don’t know how to communicate their desires well…a good thing about being over 40 is a woman knows herself and is not as willing to compromise, and knows how to communicate…basically they are less willing to take crap in most cases! I agree communication is KEY. There are probably a lot of people who desire certain things but they are afraid to talk about it…I do think it’s good that Fifty Shades has opened up communication a bit, even though I think the books are horribly written.

      • Tom2013

        I recall someone I knew back many years ago – a very nice guy who was married to a woman everyone thought was this soft “girl next door” type. He arrived early from work and walked in on her and while he didnt tell me what he say he said he couldnt believe what she was into and I remember he told me that if she told him what she like he would have complied. That’s the key – if the wife is not going to ask the male needs to intuitively know what the woman desires. It also shows that maybe he was not viewed as a high value male and she didnt want that bedroom action from him so she found it from someone else.

  • Deborah Reece

    So true on all your points – most men over 40 let themselves go so I have been drawn to some younger men and some have liked me – the last guy I worked with who was younger and he obviously liked me then I found out he was married — I was so pissed and upset…he was from Croatia and very handsome…anyway, I am just praying and will let God bring me the right person at the right time. I think maybe men want younger women for the same reason, women let themselves go as well.
    I would never be deceitful and cheat — if I can’t find what I want then I will stay by myself…I don’t like games…and as women get older they do see through men’s crap so it’s much harder to find someone…honestly, there are very few men who have the spiritual depth or intellect that I’m looking for so I don’t even worry about it! I have even tried some dating sites but the men on there were all idiots. And I admit I do want a man who is nice looking and takes care of his body at least. If someone doesn’t care about themselves then its hard to want to go to bed with them.
    And there are women who are going to cheat no matter who they are married to because they are idiots.

    • Tom2013

      Your insightful post demonstrates that you have your head on straight. May the Lord bless you with finding the right match that you deserve.

    • Heidi

      i pray that God gives you eyes to see and ears to hear, in Jesus name

      • Deborah Reece

        I pray every day all day and see just fine…your comment is frankly stupid and mind your own business.

  • Tom2013

    I too have enjoyed the dialogue how refreshing to have an intelligent conversation and all the more when we agree on most/all points. If I were not married I could really go for someone like you. As to religion I am a firm believer in the Lord and Creation. I disavow any other belief. To me evolution is pernicious and an attempt to separate people from the Creator. Of course there is an Afterlife if not things would not make sense – bad people live well while righteous ones often do not. And you are right about views expressed – I fear for our great nation as you point out some of the posts reflect delusional thinking on most topics.

    • Deborah Reece

      Well thank you, and I am good looking too …lol….it is really alarming how many people can not rationally put things together in a logical sense…a lot of people just repeat what they hear but never read or question anything for themselves….honestly I think social media is not good for lot of people out there…when a show like the Kardashians is popular it makes you wonder…anyway, it is hard to find men with the spiritual aspect plus intelligent plus attractive…but I’m not looking I just leave it in God’s hands. I am pursuing my own goals. A relationship is nice but its certainly not everything. Well it has been good talking with you.

    • Deborah Reece

      Have you seen Fifty Shades of Grey? I was just wondering. I liked I more than I thought I would. A woman on here was saying it’s anti-woman then she admitted she hasn’t even seen it! I thought it was better than the book.