Don’t Worry, Be Happy: Unemployment Is Down, The Stock Market Is Up And The Economy Is Going To Be Just Fine

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Haven’t you heard?  The coming economic collapse has officially been canceled.  The U.S. economy is in full recovery mode.  It has just been announced that the U.S. unemployment rate fell to 8.9% in February.  That was the third monthly decline in a row.  192,000 new jobs were created in the U.S. during February.  That was the fifth month in a row in which the U.S. economy has gained jobs.  Corporate profits are way up.  For the most recent month that numbers are available, sales of GM vehicles were up 49%, sales of Chrysler vehicles were up 13%, and sales of Ford vehicles were up 10%.  Can’t you see?  The great American economic machine has roared back to life.  The stock market is way up this year.  The recession is over.  Our financial system is more stable than ever.  Pretty soon all Americans that want jobs are going to be able to get jobs and all of our government debts are going to be paid off.  The greatest days for the U.S. economy are just around the corner.  So don’t worry, be happy.


Don’t worry, be happy – the U.S. unemployment rate is falling and it will continue to fall.  Don’t be concerned that according to Gallup, the U.S. unemployment rate actually rose to 10.3% at the end of February.  Everyone knows that U.S. government numbers are far more accurate than the numbers that Gallup puts out.  Just don’t pay any attention to the “doom and gloomers” and just keep on watching American Idol.  Very soon there will be plenty of jobs for everyone.

Don’t worry, be happy – globalism is doing wonderful things for the U.S. economy.  Just look at all the incredibly cheap products from foreign nations such as China that are available in our stores.  Do you think that all of this stuff would be so cheap if we didn’t have free trade?  We may have a massive “trade imbalance” right now, but this is just temporary as we transition over to a one world economy.  The job losses may look bad right now, but once our wage levels go down low enough we will be able to export more stuff to the rest of the world.  So don’t be alarmed when the “protectionists” tell you that between December 2000 and December 2010, 38 percent of the manufacturing jobs in Ohio were lost, 42 percent of the manufacturing jobs in North Carolina were lost and 48 percent of the manufacturing jobs in Michigan were lost.  Those workers just need to get more “education” so that they can be competitive in today’s global economy.  And please don’t listen to people like Alan Blinder, an economist at Princeton, who is projecting that offshoring will ulti­mately affect up to 40 million American jobs.  The truth is that there are many jobs that simply cannot be outsourced.  For example, workers over in China and India will never be able to flip the burgers that need flipping here in the United States and they will never be able to welcome people to your local Wal-Marts.

Don’t worry, be happy – the fact that the number of Americans on food stamps has set another new all-time high (44 million) is just an indication that more Americans are learning how to use government services.  At some point this number will start to go down as the U.S. economy roars back to life.

Don’t worry, be happy – the fact that new home sales in the United States have been setting record lows just means that the only direction they have to go is up.  As the employment situation continues to brighten, it is inevitable that the housing industry in the U.S. will surge to greater heights than ever before.

Don’t worry, be happy – the fact that so many Americans are going back to work means that lots of additional tax money will soon be pouring into the coffers of state and local governments.  In Idaho, Boise County has just declared bankruptcy, but that is just an isolated incident.  We shouldn’t be seeing too many more local governments default on their debts.

Don’t worry, be happy – the economic improvement that we are seeing right now will soon mean that the austerity measures being implemented across the United States will soon come to an end.  Yes, times have been tough in many communities lately.  The following is an excerpt from a recent New York Times article that describes the brutal austerity that has been implemented in Vallejo, California….

Vallejo is still in bankruptcy. The police force has shrunk from 153 officers to 92. Calls for any but the most serious crimes go unanswered. Residents who complain about prostitutes or vandals are told to fill out a form. Three of the city’s firehouses were closed. Last summer, a fire ravaged a house in one of the city’s better neighborhoods; one of the firetrucks came from another town, 15 miles away. Is this America’s future?

Sadly, that article in the New York Times was far too negative.  The truth is that things are starting to turn around.  Soon our cities and towns will be more prosperous than ever and all of this “austerity” will just be a bad memory.  It is only a matter of time.

Don’t worry, be happy – Barack Obama has announced a great plan for reducing the federal budget deficit.  As the U.S. economy grows at a 5 or 6 percent pace for the rest of the decade the budget deficit is going to just keep on shrinking.  Thanks to Obama, our budget deficit will be reduced to 607 billion dollars by 2015.  Obama’s policies are going to lead to much greater financial strength for the U.S. government.  Those that are warning that the U.S. government cannot handle this much debt simply do not understand history.  As a percentage of GDP, our debt really isn’t that bad.  When analyst Mary Meeker recently told BusinessWeek that the U.S. government has a “net worth of a negative $44 trillion” she was just exaggerating the situation.  The truth is that the U.S. government is on really solid ground financially.

Don’t worry, be happy – the price of oil cannot possibly stay this high.  Yes, U.S. crude rose to $104 a barrel today, but that is just because of the crisis in Libya.  The American people are just going to have to deal with higher gas prices for a few weeks.  ABC News is reporting that regular unleaded is selling for $5.29 a gallon at one gas station in Orlando, Florida.  But of course that won’t last for too long.  Things will get back to normal soon.

Surely Barack Obama and his crack team of national security experts are on the verge of solving the crisis in Libya even as we speak.  With incredibly competent diplomatic professionals such as Hillary Clinton on the job, it is only a matter of time until the chaos in the Middle East comes to an end.

The peace and stability that the Obama administration is going to bring to the Middle East is going to drive oil prices back down.  So please don’t worry – you will probably be paying 2 dollars for a gallon of gasoline by Christmas.  The price of oil is not going to set a new record high and it is not going to cause another financial panic like we witnessed back in 2008.

Everything is going to be okay.  Please do not listen to any of the “doom and gloomers”, the “gold bugs”, the “protectionists”, the “armchair economists” or the “conspiracy theorists”.  Do you think that they know more than the highly educated experts in the Obama administration, the highly educated experts running the Federal Reserve or the highly educated experts on the mainstream media?

Yes, we have had some “glitches” in the economy recently, but very competent people are very busy fixing all of those problems.  So instead of being obsessed with our “economic problems”, you should just relax and have some fun.  Baseball season is getting ready to start and all month fantasy baseball leagues are going to be forming.  Now is a great time to join one.  A new season of Dancing With The Stars is going to begin shortly, and this cast looks like the best one yet.  Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler have been wonderful additions to American Idol this season.  Did you see the dramatic unveiling of the “final 13” on Idol the other night?  It was great television.  A new Matt Damon has just come out and Justin Bieber just got a new haircut.  Life in America is good.

Many of you already have to work two or three jobs just to pay the bills.  Why spend your precious free time reading websites like The American Dream which will just get you all riled up about the state of the economy for no reason whatsoever?

There is nothing to worry about.

Everything is under control.

Don’t worry, just be happy.

  • Duke

    Beatifully said. Just what the mainstream medias propaganda tries to convince all the sheeple to keep calm and all the “hope and change” that will bring back prosperity to all. Nice fairy tale.

  • William

    I would like to have a competent macro economist tell me the impact of these higher oil/gas prices on whatever economic benefit the just created job numbers and unemployment figures provide. I suspect that the higher oil/gas prices have wiped out, or severly reduced any gains……..if one could believe the govt numbers at all.

  • Bryant

    “the fact that new home sales in the United States have been setting record lows just means that the only direction they have to go is up. As the employment situation continues to brighten, it is inevitable that the housing industry in the U.S. will surge to greater heights than ever before.”

    Its frightening but thats actually the type of rhetoric you’re likely to hear from mainstream media….

  • paulie

    I think your wrong. The U.S. is falling apart.

  • Harry Hardluck

    When the economy falls like a slow trickle of water, people don’t notice. They feel that nothing “serious” will happen. Just like when you see a steady slow drip of water falling on a rock. Thing is, given enough time that slow drip will eventualy bore a hole in that rock the same way that our economy will collapse if we continue on this path. The writing is clearly written on the wall for those who “want” to see it. Others will gladly stay blind by sticking their head in the sand and pretending none of this is happening. The same logic is used by people who don’t answer the phone when a bill collector calls. Like not answering the phone and pretending the bills don’t exist will make all their debt go away.

  • Nexus

    It is interesting that the article says that Indians and Chinese will not be able to displace locals from burger flipping. They would be able to just like they are in the IT industry where cheap (not more talented) Indians are brought in under the Visa schemes to do the job of locals – lesson is that no job is safe if it can be done cheaper – in-source, off-shore, out-source.

  • mondobeyondo

    “Why so concerned? Relax!! Everything is okay!”

    -said the queen bee to the workers and drones.

  • mondobeyondo

    Six words that will change your life:

    “Good morning! Welcome to Wal-Mart!”

  • Colin

    When I heard the news initially about the unemployment rate, I was optimistic. As the optimism faded to skepticism, I went searching on the Internet for information on the rate and what wasn’t being reported in the media. I soon learned that the rate was as I thought which was an inaccurate and misleading reporting of the actual unemployment and underemployed rate. Gallup stated the rate was 19.9 which was very close to what the figure was a year ago. I would like to learn what jobs were filled in February. I believe that many of them are low-paying, little or no benefits, jobs of the service industry. The reporting agency reported that some of the jobs were in manufacturing, and I asked myself, how many of these jobs will be around in a year or more.

    This website, and others I have visited, has taught me to question what is reported in the MSM and to question our government more critically. Thank you.

  • David KC

    Ooooo…, I feel so warm-n-fuzzy all over! (gagging sound)

  • Plato’sPug

    Loved the satire. On my fruitless and exhausting work search, I just learned that the last position I appiled for had 440 applicants, many of whom had Phd’s…for the princely sum of 35K a year.

    We are fast beoming wage and debt slaves in this country.

  • Clyde Ankle

    Well you all can shut down this web site while I hit the mall!

  • Jake

    This is great news! It reminds me of the propaganda that YAHOO publishes.

  • jeremiah12

    I agree with mostly everything in this report besides the abc news report of $5.29 a gallon in Orlando. I live in Orlando an that gas station arc news reported on is called the landing strip they always gauge the tourist by $2.00 more a gallon than ALL other gas stations in Orlando the current price for regular unleaded is $3.49 a gallon that article was probably posted a little while ago because they are higher now.

  • jeremiah12

    Just to show u how much the mainstream media blows thing out of proportion with misleading solo facts

  • Well said!!! You nailed it on the head. The few of us that operate in Reality and are prepared for worst case scenario are grateful to your site. Thank you.

  • Golden Child

    The sad part about it is that millions of Americans would actually believe this article and wouldn’t detect any of the depressing yet realistic sarcasm here. Americans are so anesthetized by media bread and circuses and sheeple mentality that I don’t think the disenfranchised American youth would ever revolt against the oppressive corporate-government establishment in this country like what has been happening in Egypt and the Middle East. Collectively, American youth are so dumbed down by Facebook, Radio One and Viacom. If the young and disenfranchised were ever to uprise against the powers that be in America today, it would be the bloodiest civil war ever fought on American soil. America is already a police state. From blighted ghetto areas to the vanilla suburbs, the police are drunk off of power and completely out of control and regularly abuse the rights of law-abidding citizens. It is no secret that America locks up more people than any other place on the planet and you can get locked up for almost anything even if you’ve done nothing. When the American people finally get tired of putting up with the oppressive government, all hell will break loose. Unlike the citizens of third world nations, Americans will not settle for working a dollar an hour because no native born Americans have ever been forced to work for so little. Looting, rioting and burning of cities will probably come first before an average American salary of $2,000 a year. However, over the last few decades, we have gotten to see little snapshot previews of what it would be like if society were to completely collapse in America. The L.A. riots in 1992 were a prime example. The level of desperation that exists today across the continental United States is worthy of sparking widespread chaos that would make the L.A. riots look like a food fight at a five year old girl’s birthday party. I hope I never see the day that society breaks down in America because it won’t be pretty.

  • hipshotpercusion

    “Experts in the Obama administration? You mean like Joe Biden? This is the genius who said, “Cattle Guards out west need more training.” With folks like this, we are truly blessed. Yeah, right!

  • dave

    brilliant satire, sad, but at least enjoyable while reading. Thanks!

  • Supercali

    Bottom line this guy is just retarded. If he did any research on his own he would know we are in trouble. The world is on the verge of dropping the dollar as the world reserve currency… once this happens I believe anyone holding dollars will get 20% poorer over night. Tie that in with the highest unemployment since the Great Depression, interest rates about to go up and a rise in energy prices. I’m worried and I’m not happy!

  • Clever! But you forgot to mention the million of murders these bankster financial terrorists plan on committing. They fear a free range slave revolt. They must set us against one another before we wise up to their operation.

    Free Range Slave Revolt Today!

    Or death, destruction and plantation slavery tomorrow…

  • nader paul kucinich gravel mckinney

    NAFTA Nation

  • …And if you find it difficult to relax and “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” just stay glued to the T.V. during the American Idol commercial breaks. There you will find a plethora of advertisements for psychotropic prescription drugs which can numb your mind and/or body while roughing it out during this soon-to-be-ending tumultuous period of economic transition.

    And while your at it


  • JLFL

    I find it amusing that everybody wants to blame presidential administrations for congressional decisions. The system is working as designed with regard to the President – congress creates or amends legislation to represent “the people”, and the President signs said legislation into law trusting that congressmen/women are genuinely representing their voters. The fact of the matter is, rather than blame the presidential administration, start focusing on your districts and those who are supposed to be representing YOU.
    When people begin to widen their views and stop honing in on the white house and nothing else in Washington, then and ONLY then will change be real.
    Aside from that, the reality is that the stock market is loaded with speculation, and speculation creates false markets and typically leads to panics, which causes falsely inflated markets to collapse. Home that are being appraised at $150k require $50k worth of work just to make them livable, whereas 10 years ago, said home would only be appraised for $50k and would most likely fail inspections. Get real folks, stop blaming the white house and blame the idiots who are supposedly representing YOU when they create legislation!
    Stop voting for morons who apologize to petroleum companies and agree to use US-government forces to wage wars in the middle east to take over oil-rich lands that do NOT belong to us in the name of the wealthy who are simply obtaining more wealth.

  • gifford

    New level of collapse by June. Oil and food prices suck Americans of any EXTRA money they might have.

  • Tal

    Didn’t the “dont worry be happy’ guy kill himself?…

  • buck

    “The Creature From Jekyll Island”

    I finally got around to begin reading this. It is packed with mystery and truth how the Federal Reserve System was created and how it controls our lives.

    I’ve gained much information vi the Internet about the creation of the Federal Reserve. Author G. Edward Griffin has put together a masterpiece IMO and he is absolutly right when he says the masterminding by those including former European central banker Paul Warburg was indeed a conspiracy.

    It is such a tragedy that Americans as a whole have no clue. Pick up the book above and learn something. I mean who gives a rats ass about American Idol. People just want to continue to dull their brains with this countries entertainmant industry.

  • Char

    The New World Order go watch Alex Jones were all in trouble the sad thing is too see all the sheep being brought to pasture I think the TV and main steam news
    is too blame they do not report it is slanted I think 5.00 a gallon is going to have people in chains they do not know what is coming this has been planned by design

    Today on CNN Fareed Zakaria explains how America is too look yeah hes right in part Fareed says

    here will be a class of Americans – the globalized, “knowledge workers”, if you want to call them that – who will do very well. But the average American will face very, very significant pressures because the work he or she does is not going to be competitive in this new world, and we are not making the investments we need to to help make it competitive. We’re not upgrading the educational system. We’re not upgrading the infrastructure. We’re not upgrading all the areas where you can take that American worker and make him or her super-competitive

    Time to move to

  • Teknikid

    Fareed Zakaria is an idiot. What he knows about the Constitution and our rights would fit on the head of a pin. There’s nothing “creaky” about what constitutes our government. Granted if given the choice, I would abolish the 14th, 16th and 17th amendments, but if it comes down to keeping the ‘Bill of Restrictions’ against Congress in there, we should be all for it. It is our rights we’re talking about, established by the law of the land. Instead of providing any actual solution, he throws around his globalism tripe. Abolish the unconstitutional Fed and the IRS, and you will see things turn around. Get the Fed out of our paychecks via the IRS.

  • mondobeyondo

    Oh come all ye sheeple… it’s shearing time!!
    Your wool is worthless sitting on your backs.
    Let us, the wise elite, cut it for you!
    Once you’re sheared, you will be relieved of
    your baking hot misery under all that wool.
    We shall make beautiful sweaters and coats from
    that worthless fur you’re growing.
    And we shall pay you absolutely nothing.
    You will get no compensation for your labor.
    You’re just sheep, after all.

  • Aurelius 7

    LOVED the satire. Good article.

  • Americans and the mainstream media are totally asleep. One group will be blindsided and the other is responsible for an “agenda-related” cover-up. I guess that leave more food & items for us to be able to prep with. Do it now in case things go mainstream.

    “Retire or work in Asia – we can help.

  • paul Jones

    The blind will lead the blind, their are wolves dressed in sheep clothing, just take a look around you, to see the real facts…

  • Jhayden

    We can always hope can’t we? Even the Great Depression only lasted 10 years. Though maybe we are heading back to the Wild West type times, saddle up your horses and get legal to carry a concealed can of pepper spray! Yee haw, raw hide!

    No really, may God have mercy on Japan and the whole world. I feel wrong just sitting here on my computer eating my mother in laws lasangna for lunch, while human suffering goes on.